I'm not letting general assholeness ruin my holidays

I'm still here.  Long vacation, eh...lost a little in life's labrynth.  I could apologize, but really I don't have to.  I've wanted so many times to drop in and leave a note...but I found I was too happy to write, too tired to elaborate, too angry to articulate, just not today.  Today, however, I feel the need to complain, generally vent, be the ass I am and share my dirty laundry.

When is something unfixable?  I mean...at what point do you just decide that it's broken beyond repair or the previous repairs haven't fixed the problem?  So you have this old car that you love; it's been your best friend through cold winter snow storms and hot summers to the shore, you've belted out dance tunes and sad songs inside it's metal protection on your crusing getaways, but you dump money into every month...when do you send it to the car graveyard and buy a new one?  Or when do you decide it's not even worth donating...just chuck it?  I'm a tosser.  My parents were pack rats so I keep very little and it has to have extreme sentimental value (even then I can sometimes justify the decluttering).  So I apparently don't really know how to translate that to my life outside of "things."  So I ponder...I would never toss out my child even though I have to leave the room to catch my breath and count to ten sometimes.  Or my pets even with their costs and frustrations when they pee outside the litterbox or scratch up the rug.  Or my sisters or mother or my family in general if they are having turmoil that conflicts.  Or my friends even if they offend me at times.  So why then would I even consider that for my partner? 

I keep promises.  I make committments firmly and dedicate to their fullfillment - sometimes even to my detriment.  I believe in sanctity and partnership.  I know in this world we need togetherness just to survive these times and is a fulfilling part of life...at least in my perspective.  I don't do anything half hearted either: I do it completely or not at all.  I'm fully capable of taking care of myself.  I'm willful, strong, independent to a flaw and know that I don't need anyone but myself...but I want to share my life, love, desires, hurts, beliefs with someone.  It's not about not wanting to be alone...it's about not being selfish like these times glorify.

I don't glorify much.  Least of all the trials of life and family and motherhood.  I know these require work and patience and a will to work through the hard times.  I believe that if it comes easy it usually isn't worth much.  I don't give up either.  I fight to the death so to speak.  Maybe...maybe that's it.  Maybe this battle has been going on longer than I knew and the warriors are spent and littering the field with their rotten carcases and stinking up the place.  And now the remaining knights must retreat limping and bleeding and wander nowhereland since their home has been destroyed beyond repair. 

PArt of me says that everything is fixable.  Do you rebuild or find a new home?