Let me out

I know I'm trapped inside.  I can feel the yellow soak through my skin.  There is no light no tunnel no door just suffocating.  I can't breathe.  I can't breathe.  I can't.  Breathe.

Every time I feel like I've found the crack to crawl through I only find  new layer of suffocation.  Bitter and numbing, high to low, painful pitches: Can't you smell the dark?  I can.  It's suffocating. 

I try to think back to a time of true happiness.  I know I've felt it.  I've tasted it.  I've lived it.  But I can't find the memory.  Mechanically I can name...a few that made me warm and fuzzy.  Where have they gone?  I can't breathe.  I can't.  Breathe.

Where am I?  Who am I?  Why am I?  This place is terrible.  I want to leave.  Why won't you let me leave?  I hate it here.  This is no place for me.  How did I get here anyway?  O yeah...the rabbit brought me.  Silly rabbit...tricks are for kids.  Remember those days when the only concern was not being tagged "it"....remember that...damn it: I'm it.

I can see her, you know, Alice, in a big big chair, rocking.  Just rocking.  Her knees brought into her tiny chest, she's looking off into the distance, maybe thinking about tea.  Now I'm rocking.  I'm rocking.  I'm rocking and I can't breathe. 

I need to sleep.  I need some quiet.  I need for it all to go away.  I need for this place to leave me be and let me go.  I don't belong here.  Round and round and round with a pocket full of poseys: protect me from the stench of this darkness.

What do you want?  What I've always wanted.  But don't you have it?  And I do.  Then how can I help you?  It's all wrong.  I'm wrong.  It's wrong.  What is?  Ever after.

Now dasher and dancer, now prancer and vixen, on comet on cupid on donner and blitzen...but Rudolph he'll take you on a magic carpet ride.  Next stop Dante's kitchen.  Can you smell the suffocation?  No that's just an apple. 

The screaming.  Where is that coming from?  Stop.  Stop.  Fallen, every one of them.  Me.  Falling.  I can't breathe.